Waiting

   Last Spring I went to and spoke at a women's conference where the topic was "Trust in the Lord" and before and after that weekend I keep learning about how important that lesson really is. I spoke about how we need to trust God when our hope is deferred. For the past few weeks, I've been taking care of my sick husband. He is not going to die from his illness and he will recover in due time. However, he's been racked with pain, fever, chills, swelling, and the inability to eat even though he's hungry. I've watched him progress from one horrible symptom to a day of getting better and then on to the next horrible symptom. Each day is filled with prayer to God - thanking, praising, and pleading. Each day, we are told to wait for healing.

      I read this morning in Ephesians chapter 3 and when I read the end about how God is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine, I went through this thought process:

1) So what's he waiting for?

2) Why isn't he healing Nathan completely and instantly? He could do it!

3) Maybe he's teaching us in this waiting period. Maybe the "immeasurably more" part means he can do more than just heal Nathan by not healing him. So what could that be? What is the immeasurably more part that God is doing? I can't ever really know because God's wisdom is definitely beyond mine and the tapestry he weaves is only revealed in part to me. But I have some ideas...

    I am learning that my husband's character at his core is just what I thought it was when he was well. He is just as kind, just as patient, just as ever selfless and concerned for me as he ever was...maybe even more so. 

   Nathan is learning that I am bossy and a bulldog when it comes to protecting the ones I love. He's learning that he can depend on me to be by his side.

    We are remembering the blessings of begin married. We don't have to do this alone. I can fill out his medical forms while he waits in the waiting room. I can keep track of which meds he's taken when and how soon to his next dose so his tired mind doesn't have to remember. We have larger families and a bigger circle of friends now that lift us up in prayer, bring us food, clean our kitchen, and listen when we need them to.

   Just before all of this, we were having a discussion about God and healing and why he sometimes does and sometimes doesn't and then we started to experience this first hand. I think God is teaching us to rely on him even when we don't get instant healing. We talked about how as teachers, if we just gave our students the answers without letting them struggle, they wouldn't learn as well as when we let them grapple and think. We as teachers are always watching over them and guiding them, but we don't just give the answers immediately. We let them struggle and watch them grow. We thought that maybe this was how God is with us. In our struggles, we learn and grow. God is not distant in these times, he is carefully watching every step, every struggle, tenderly caring that it hurts and feeling our sorrow and pain, but also aware that in this pain we are growing and he can joyfully see the ending and the purpose. He tells us that it will all work out for good. He is in this, even in the pain, he is here with us able to heal, but able to do immeasurably more than that too.