So it may be hard for any of you to tell, but I've been down for a while. Like a couple months. It's been a tough half a year for my family in many ways and it's been a tough half year for many of my friends. I am a total empathetic person, so I share other people's pain. But last night was a turning point for me of sorts. I went outside late last night with a blanket and no shoes and I laid out under a tree in the grass. I closed my eyes and let the breeze blow over me and I let myself just be. I tried to quiet all of the dissenting voices in my head that try to plan and worry and I tried to just be still and know.
I was brought back to when I was a little girl and I was so full of joy, it almost felt like I would burst from it. It bothered me as a child that I couldn't hug God. I love hugs and especially bear hugs from the strong men in my life, so it seemed sad that God and I couldn't hug. I used to pray that God would hug my heart, since that's where He lives and I could feel God hugging my heart and I would smile with joy. So last night as I lay on that warm blanket on the soft grass and I felt that soothing breeze roll over my bare toes, I felt like that little girl. I prayed that God would help me feel that He was near and the breeze blew even stronger and I prayed that God would hug my heart and He did.
I cried, but they were good tears. There was my God, patiently loving me. There He was as always and there He will always be. No wonder I was so joyful as a little girl, I felt this close to God every day! So now, as an adult, I want to recapture that spirit. So here is my list of resolutions (little shout out to Jonathan Edwards and my dad) that will help me be joyful in all circumstances.
1) Resolved: I will take a moment every day to be still before the Lord. To be Mary and not Martha. To not try to solve all my problems and all of the problems of the world, but just to enjoy His presence.
2) Resolved: I will remember my blessings and count them and be thankful for them.
3) Resolved: I will not be the pouting princess crying for more. I will pray that God will make me more than content, but joyful in His will.
4) Resolved: I will do at least one thing every day that is productive or worthy.
5) Resolved: I will try to spread joy to those around me. I will do this by my words and deeds. I will choose words that uplift and instruct and not words that criticize or bring down. I will avoid gossip in all forms. I will find something good in everyone.
So there it is. And as I am sometimes brought low by the things in this world that are hard or sad or maddening, I will try to remember that I have no power or control over any of that. And that the God who does, loves me as He did when I was a little girl. His love has never changed for me. To Him I am still that bubble of joy bursting to share this joy with others.
