Words Matter

It may surprise you, but I love to talk. I know, I can hear the collective gasp of shock. I think God has a good laugh at me when I lose my voice completely. I love to speak and sing and make noise, even when no one is around to hear it. I love to read and write words. My love language is words of affirmation. I love words.

And yet, there are times when I seem to forget the power of words. I speak to people all day long. It's my job to do so. I have 200 young minds that listen to me, in varying degrees, for 43 minutes a day. Sometimes I say things in frustration to my students that I cannot believe have come out of my mouth. I say things that I would never say to an adult. Sarcasm comes spewing forth and I feel better for an instant, but I wonder if I've hurt their feelings. Yesterday I had a lunch party in my room for one period because they won a competition for raising money for cancer research. The kids did an amazing job of cleaning up, but the smell of Italian food filled the class. The two classes after lunch noticed and complained again and again. Finally, at the beginning of sixth period, I opened with, "Yes, it smells like food in here because my first period class had a party at lunch. I am sorry it smells like onions." The kids responded by shouting out simultaneously about what else it smelled like - 15 or so comments at the same time. I shouted back, "Thank you! It's not like I live in this room and have been smelling this stench for hours. I don't need you to describe every smell!" My face was turning red and they were surprised to illicit such a violent response of sarcasm. They got over pretty fast, but I certainly was mad over something pretty small.

I get used to the idea that maybe my words don't really matter. I think I can say hurtful things and they'll let it pass or I can say encouragement and it just flows past their preteen ears without making any difference. Some students respond to a discussion with me as if they had ear buds in their ears with music blaring. They smile and nod (or frown and nod) at all the appropriate places and wait for the lecture to be over.

But words are more powerful than that. I should know. I have remembered words teachers said to me ages ago. I have remembered good and bad things people have said in passing to me. Authority figures especially make a mark on my memory. (My favorite is when a teacher wanted a definition for effervescent and someone in class responded, "Brenda") I have post-it notes of encouragement that I sometimes give to my students. They say things like, "You can be proud of yourself for ..." or "I noticed something special about you today. It was..." or "You have no idea how much you helped me when..." I fill them out and just stick them to a kid's desk. I know for some kids, this is a special thing. For some I assume it means nothing...but I am wrong.

Yesterday, I was talking with a student who is really smart, but doesn't always do his work. His effort (and eventually his grade) fluctuates up and down depending on his mood. He had done nothing in class on his project that day. When I asked him during class, he said he was working on it at home. I told him that he had to do at least one part today. I checked on him at the end of class and he had not met the goal I had set for him. He had nothing. He then confessed that he had lost the paper explaining the project and didn't know what to do. He opened his notebook to show me the one part he did have and I saw a purple sticky note that said, "You can feel proud of yourself for working so much harder in math class." I gave that note to him in third quarter. He had saved it in his notebook.

On the surface this kid seems unfazed by me or my teaching. He seems too cool for school. He knows all the answers and can choose to participate or not, it doesn't matter. And yet he kept my note. He wasn't going to show it, but my words affect him.

I need to be so careful with what I say. I have the power to motivate and bring down 2oo times over every day. In my frustrations I need to be an example to my kids of what's appropriate. I need to use words that lift up, even in discipline. What a responsibility! I need to never take it lightly.

Let me end with an anecdote from one of my classes during a discussion about Einstein:
Kid 1: Wasn't it true that Einstein was only good at one thing?
Me: No, he was good at a lot of things.
Kid 1: That doesn't make me feel better about myself.
Me: But did you know that one of Einstein's teachers said that he would never amount to much?
Class in a bored, drone tone: Yes
Me: Ahh, the power of a discouraging word to motivate someone to great heights.
Kid 1: Man, now we'll never amount to anything, Miss D.
Me: Why not?
Kid 1: You encourage us too much!

Year After Year the Kids Seem the Same

The first two weeks of school are always interesting. The kids are getting to know you and you are getting to know them. Each period has a personality that shows itself pretty early on. Some kids seem to show their personalities pretty early too. I realized that after having a total of about 1,600 students, many seem very similar to each other. Here are some kid categories I've noticed:

1) The inappropriate question/timing kid - this is the kid who blurts out questions in the middle of the teacher talking and usually those questions are of a personal nature. This year, I have a couple of those and here are some example questions, "Where did you get your shoes?", "What's your favorite band?", or my favorite, "Will you tell us stories about your ex-boyfriends? Our last teacher did." My response to these kinds of questions is usually, "you can ask me that after school, but this is not the appropriate time." For the last one I just said, "NO!" in a disgusted voice.

2) The eager to pleaser kid - this kid just loves his or her teacher and wants his/her teacher to love him/her back. They will offer to clean the board, pass out papers, give complements and smile a lot.

3) The too cool for school kid - this kid just wants to sit back and be quiet and not be disturbed. They are too cool for anything as babyish as enjoying class or participating.

4) The straight A kid - they have studied the book over the summer, they panic over every test and usually must have everything be known. Any unknowns cause the student to panic and rapid fire questions to their teacher. "What are we learning today? The board says we're learning about equations. Are we solving equations or writing equations? Will we need to know exponents? Are we graphing them?"

5) The blurter - this kid is so excited to know the answer that he must shout it out at any time. Sometimes he'll raise his hand as he is shouting, in an effort to follow the rules.

6) The tapper - Oh, the joys of hearing 30 pencils tapped rhythmically on 30 separate desks to 30 separate beats - simultaneously. This kid is often also the can't sit in your seat kid. They can be found wandering the classroom for who knows what reason. Sometimes it's to sharpen the pencil that they will then use to start tapping again.

There are too many more to list. I can't keep them all straight.

What I love about Jr. High is the diversity of maturity levels. I have kids who speak like adults and have deep thoughts about deep concepts. I have students who are in the middle and one day will be playing with toys and the next discussing who said what about whom. I have students who still tell their teachers they love them and want to hold their hand.

This year my kids are full of love and kindness. I have students who thank me daily for teaching them and not in a kissy way. I have kids who ask great questions and are polite to each other. They seem to be full of kindness for me and for each other. They are also full of energy, so I'm just done at the end of each day. And yet, I have time each day to pause and just be thankful for a job where I can do what I love and meet such interesting people.

Things kids write

Have I mentioned that I love my job? Well, I do. This was the last week of school which is also fun because it's the drama time. Everyone gets so emotional about saying goodbye and leaving school - I love it! I got to read names this year at graduation. I love to do this because I look at each kid as I say his/her name and smile at them. If I've had them, I pat them on the shoulder or smile tenderly at them. I thought for sure I would get emotional about some of my geometry kids. I love that bunch and they work so hard. I develop such a fun relationship with that group, but I didn't cry while saying their names. No, it was the two boys who caused me the most pain and difficulties last year that made me get choked up. I looked into their faces and realized that despite all of the pain and difficulties in their lives, they had actually passed eighth grade. Maybe because the challenge for them was greater so the success was more sweet or maybe because I hoped that my class was a chance for them to see kindness and love, but whatever the reason, these boys made me tear up.

My favorite moment of graduation was after all the names were read. Our principal thanked Dee Brundage, a teacher who is retiring this year, for her service to our kids. She is the only 7th grade science teacher on our campus so she has had every student. After the principal said this, about 1/4 of the students instantly stood up and cheered for her. The standing ovation quickly spread to the entire graduating class and lasted for over a minute. I thought, "Now this is a testament to a great teacher." Each student loved her so much. She really was the nicest teacher on campus...and now that she's gone...it's my chance to steal the throne. Bwaa haa haa!

This year I received many letters and notes of thanks. I even received flowers from several kids (my favorite kind of gift!). I thought I would immortalize some of the nice things my kids have written to or about me (directly quoted with spelling and punctuation):

1) I couldn't ask for a better teacher! (cos' there is none!) :) I can say that you are my most favorite teacher! :) You have alot to offer, and I love how your so happy all of the time! Thank you for everything.

2) How could I live without MATH?

3) One teacher deserves an apple, but Ms. Dempsey deserves the whole tree. Best teacher, Ms. Dempsey is her name! She's my geometry teacher and an awesome math wizard. She's awesome, crazy, smart, nerdy, pretty, cool, weird, outgoing, creative, stylish etc. She's the best! Every day, she has a simle on and always cheers everyone up in her class. She's a twilight freak and loves Hish School Musical. She even makes a math lesson fun! How? Well, one interesting way is she imitates a foreign accent to get our attention. Another way is making boring math formulas into happy songs. That's very creative and makes the classroom a very fun place to be in. I love Ms. Dempsey. On thing that surprised me is that she isn't married! She's wonderful to be with and extremely smart! I have never had a teacher like this and I wish I would meet more teachers like her! I can express my feelings to Ms. Dempsey and I trust her. She is a MAJOR NERD; which is awesome! She loves using expo markers of every color. She has good taste in music and loves singing. She's an excellent singer, even though she rarely sings in class. She takes time in her lessons because she cares about her student's education. Everyone loves her and she loves everyone that loves her. She will always be there for her students. That is what makes her the teacher to write about.

Can you believe that last one? I should have this girl write an ad for me! I especially love that I am stylish, have good taste in music, and she is surprised I'm not married. So funny.

Well, for one who's love language is verbal praise, this is certainly an encouraging time of year. I love my job (have I mentioned that before?).

Reasons why I love my job.

I love my job. I know that doesn't surprise some of you. In fact, I heard someone say, "You'd love your job no matter what it was." That's possibly true. But there's a difference between looking for the joy in your job and having your job throw joy at you daily. That's how my job is. I love it and there are few jobs that I could love better. Here are some reasons why:

1) I am greeted every day with smiling faces, hello's and general well wishes by dozens of kids.

2) I get to speak all day. To a captive audience.

3) I get to create systems and then implement them.

4) My students think I'm funny and they politely laugh at my stupid jokes.

5) I get to read teen fiction and watch the Disney channel and claim that I'm doing it to keep in touch with what my kids are into.

6) There are students who offer to help me every day. They clean over-heads, wipe the board, will carry things, and even will purchase my ice cream for me on Tuesdays (if I give them the cash).

7) I get to help kids feel better about themselves in so many ways.

8) I can makes kids see how they're smart.

9) I get to dress up for Halloween.

10) Everyday is a challenge that I can usually overcome. So I feel both challenged and successful almost every day.

11) I get to wear cute work clothes.

12) I have a giant office with two big windows. I do share it with 180, sometimes lacking in deoderant, pre-teens, but it certainly is spacious.

13) I don't sit at a computer all day.

14) There is very little down time so my day goes by really fast.

15) Everyday I feel like I've done a little bit to make the world a little bit better.

16) I get major holidays and two months off in the summer.

17) I get to expose my kids to new music, books, and cultures every day.

I wish that everyone could have a job that they loved as much as I love mine. May your job throw joy at you this week.