My Life as an ASMR Reel

    We've been watching a bunch of youtube videos that have some common threads. They usually involve someone with some skill, set in a beautiful setting, completing some sort of satisfying task. The videos have very little to no talking and sometimes have a peaceful, nondescript music playing in the background. The sounds of the tasks being completed are often highlighted. This aspect is called ASMR. 

 I love these videos. They are very peaceful to me. I like watching some woman cutting flowers in her wildflower garden and then arranging them while her bread bakes. Or Kyle decides to build another cabin on his property so I watch him fell trees and strip them of bark. I love the grandma from Moldova who makes strawberry jam while her pet crow watches. Our new channel is this guy who travels the world silent solo hiking in the most beautiful places. His videography is stunning. The way he shows his coffee brewing deserves an Oscar. 

  I knew I loved these videos, but why? What was it about all of these things that made me feel both peaceful but also a little sad that my life wasn't like that? All these people were doing was filming and editing the normal parts of their lives. They looked peaceful because they didn't rush. The task was the point - not getting it done quickly to get to the next task, but savoring the task as it was happening. Kyle's wife wasn't even making that special of a sandwich. I mean, she made the bread for it, but she was just having Oscar Meyer sandwich meat and serving it on paper plates. But watching her wash the lettuce and slice the tomatoes was so relaxing. It was only so because she was taking her time, as if making a sandwich was the only thing she had to do today.

So Saturday I decided that my life should be like that. I didn't rush around fitting in 3 tasks at the same time, I just set about doing the next task of my day - one task at a time. It was beautiful. I told myself to pretend I was being recorded unloading the dishwasher. I pictured the macro shot of the smoothie cup as I removed it from the top rack, the sound of it slightly ringing as it hit the tines it was resting in. Once the dishes were done, I took a satisfied breath and centered myself in the completion of a task. I then focused on making lunches for everyone. Boy, I was so good at this, I could start my own channel!

Then both boys came into the kitchen begging for snacks. I reframed my response into an ASMR delightful, playful laugh. "I'm making lunch right now, just wait, please." But my boys were not aware that they were a part of my imaginary ASMR video. So they continued to beg. Oliver tugged at my arm every two seconds and Henry begged me for a different snack, "can I have an apple? How about a squeezy pack? Some other kind of growing food?" The answer was still no, but in a very ASMR way...I think. Then, as Oliver pulled my arm and started sagging to the ground as he melted in a tantrum, I supported his head and had him breathe with me to regulate his body (and mine). Are we doing ASMR still? I thought. Is this peaceful?

 I then transferred the laundry to the dryer. I slowly moved the clothes one piece at a time, as if I had all the time in the world. And you know what? It didn't take much longer than if I had hurried, grabbing a huge clump of clothes and slinging them into the dryer, quickly spinning the knob and hitting start, and I didn't feel as much stress about doing it. 

 When completing my chores, I walked with slow intention, I took care, I forced myself to not try to find the fastest and most efficient way to do it and I just did it. 

 All day the battle for peace continued. I kept picturing the camera zooming in on my task, the slomo shot of me staring out the window, drinking a warm beverage and just soaking in the beauty of life...ignoring the chaos around me. I wanted to multi-task and attack the chores like a mad woman, but I told myself, "One task at a time. Be present. Enjoy the work. Pretend you're watching someone else do it on a video."

 In the evening I was changing Oliver for bedtime and he started running away from me. I caught up to him in the hallway and he joyfully stood there while I removed all of his clothes. He was laughing with me and I pictured the camera shots of our smiling faces and the peaceful music that would play in the background. Then he proceeded to pee, like all the pee. Like peeing everything he's ever had to drink in his life. And as I tried to catch it with anything I could, it got in my hair, all over my shirt, and all the way down to my shoes. It seems like everything I grabbed to stop it couldn't hold it, so pee was all over the floor, all over his clothes, all over his pajamas, all over me. Nathan was watching in horror, unable to get past me to get towels as I was blocking the way. I finally just put both me and Oliver in the shower and started rinsing. Nathan cleaned up the floor and I cleaned up the two of us. "Am I still doing ASMR?" I shouted as he cloroxed our pee soaked footprints to the tub. "This is so peaceful!" he laughed in response. 

  So my unedited life is mostly chaos, but I did realize that I can add a little ASMR in my life. I can try to be present in the task at hand and focus on getting one thing done at a time. I can savor things slowly. I can stare out the window and take time to drink a cup of coffee in the morning. I can worry less about getting things checked off my list and care more about taking time. I can savor and be present and be still - until I can't, but when I can I should and I'm trying to.